BERT AND ERNIE KILLED BY U.S. TROOPS

SESAME, Iraq - Saddam Hussein's sons, Bert and Ernie, were killed during a six-hour gun battle in the northern Iraqi city of Sesame, the U.S. Military said.

"We can now confirm that Bert and Ernie have been killed," Lt. General Louise Sanchez told reporters. "They died in a fierce gun battle. Their bodies have been recovered, along with two others believed to be those of Big Bird and the Cookie Monster."

As word spread of the deaths, citizens of Sesame took to the streets to celebrate.

"ONE evil dictator's son dead," reported the Count as bodies were pulled from the rubble. "TWO evil dictator's sons dead..."

"A Schmeder schmoder, forder feeder fooder," cheered a local chef. "Bork bork bork!"

Bert, the eldest of the two muppets, was a ruthless and brutal playboy who tortured other muppets with bottlecaps and trained killer pigeons. The younger muppet, Ernie, was quieter and had a rubber-ducky fetish. Together, they struck fear in the hearts of Sesame's citizens.

"Not since Snuffleuppagus went nuts and trampled a couple hundred people, have muppets caused so much bloodshed," said Sesame mayor, Kermit D. Frog, who then waved his arms around wildly and shouted, "Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!"

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